At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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