it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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