I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
