dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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