I CAN MOONWALK!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize