just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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