1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're completely useless in the revolution.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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