Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
