We got so high we made milksteak
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
