When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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