I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
