Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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