Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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