dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
