My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize