dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
