just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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