I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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