He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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