She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
