Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i've created a new STD.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
