You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
