Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
