Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
