In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i've created a new STD.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
