I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
