I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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