I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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