Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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