I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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