How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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