It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
