why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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