you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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