oh god the rape fog is back!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
