So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
