He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
