I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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