My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
