You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
