My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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