Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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