what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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