if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
