I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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