I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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