My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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