just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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