hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ladies don't puke and tell
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
