She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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