I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
