guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck appropriateness.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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