Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
