We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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