coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
