the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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