through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
