dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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