got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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